Right before I went to bed last night I was on the phone with someone who mentioned a comment a family member had made. This family member already had a reputation of being haughty and self-righteous despite everyone being well aware of his many marital indiscretions.
His little comment made me furious, so much so that I had a hard time falling asleep, and in the morning found myself still thinking about it.
I finally got up, sat on the couch and closed my eyes. Time for a session with myself. I asked myself why am I letting this affect me. Why am I allowing this person who has no place in my life turn my peace into outrage? I reminded myself that I am in control of my own person and I won’t let anyone have that power over me and let their words or actions dictate how I feel. He is acting the way he is because of his own deep insecurities, glimpses of which he’s shown since childhood. It has transformed into a mask of extreme vanity which also triggered his many affairs.
If you have toxic relatives in your life, don’t think that just because they’re family, just because you share the same blood, means you have to be friends.
There are generational curses in all families. In yours, you may be the chain breaker. The one who deviates from the common theme passed on from generation to generation. You might be the one who breaks the mold and pass down something different. When this happens, when you begin to shift, some family members might feel left behind. They will say unkind words and you have to be ok with it.
You have to be ok with being different.
You have to keep your peace.
If they don’t want to break out of the mold, that’s on them. They have to learn through life. Don’t worry about them. Don’t lose a wink of sleep over them. Don’t get stuck with them.
Sometimes life’s challenges use people who are close to you or share the same blood as you - to disrespect you, belittle you, be jealous of you. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t allow them to drain you until you’re empty.
These people usually have experienced deep pain too. They’ve been wounded and hurt so much they’re taking it out on you or anyone else who appears to be an easy target. They don’t take it out on their boss, their landlord, their parents, their spouse, not on anyone who would take it without consequence. Don’t be their go-to emotional punching bag.
Let them go.
They’re not your purpose. You have a higher calling that needs your attention. Don’t waste your time on people that deplete you. Don’t let them hinder you from going where you need to go. Don’t let them steal the joy from your life. You have too much going on to let them disrupt your spirit.
It won’t be easy but it will serve a lesson not just for you but them as well. You’ll hinder them from growth by not doing so. Don’t set them up for failure by the seemingly kind gesture of enabling their toxic ways.
Leave them and give them the space to grow, the chance to learn accountability for their actions and most importantly the opportunity to heal.
Tell them you love them but you have to let them go. And be at peace with that.
Lillian Too’s Mandala Team Member, Marge