I had a concerning conversation with a dear friend of mine this afternoon. She's a doctor and I've known her since grade school. We've been through heartaches, our share of family troubles, supported each other from choosing the right anti-wrinkle skin care products to navigating careers and challenges posed by previous relationships.
Soon as I picked up the phone, I could hear and feel the exhaustion and the surrender in her voice. This wasn't the first time. We've had several conversations not just for months, but years, where she feels she's maxed out at work and ready to throw towel.
But she doesn't.
She plows on. Wakes up 5am each morning and ends the day close to midnight.
This has been the routine for YEARS.
I personally cannot imagine doing something that exhausting for just a matter of weeks.
There's something to say about grit and the ability to soldier on. But if it's not just for a season, one must consider the long term consequences of such a lifestyle. It's just not feasible to keep up, something eventually has to give.
In this case, it could be her physical wellness, mental health or the quality of care she provides her patients - each one not a minor hiccup.
At one point in the conversation, she said sometimes she just tells herself to accept her situation - to which I gently but adamantly disagreed. I am not a fan of simply accepting toxic circumstances and just raising your hands saying "It is what it is."
Because it sure ain't what it ain't.
I am more supportive of the idea that everything has a solution. Another route. A different angle you just, for whatever reason, have not considered. They may not be easy but I'm sure in the long run, they're worth it. Because they're worth YOU.
There is no amount of money that can replace your good health, sanity and the quality of your dearest relationships. Everything else, in my opinion, are secondary.
I understand each situation is different BUT if you cannot make your physical, mental and relational health a priority, who else will? Everything else is replaceable, even your job/trade, but these three are pretty much in the "do not mess with" category.
These three are sacred.
So what are you having trouble with these days? What things have made you just shrug your shoulders in exasperation and say "It is what it is?" What circumstances are you in that feel like a dead end? What toxic relationships are you holding on to and simply accepting? What traps do you feel yourself boxed in?
Please read this out loud with me.
THERE IS A WAY OUT.
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT TOXICITY.
THIS CAN BE BETTER.
I DESERVE BETTER.
A SOLUTION EXISTS.
I JUST NEED TO FIND IT AMIDST THE NOISE.
BUT IT IS THERE.
AND I WILL FIGURE IT OUT.
THIS WILL SOON BE OVER. A MERE MEMORY.
I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE MY DESTINY.
AND THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO DO...
Then write away. Write anything and everything that comes to mind that can help your situation. It can be something small, a tiny tweak, or it can be a huge leap. Just write them all out. Don't pause to examine each one. Just lay 'em all out. Write until nothing else comes to mind.
Now take a few deep breaths. Relax your shoulders and gently stretch your neck left and right.
Allow yourself to feel a sense of relief. This activity might seem small and inconsequential, but trust me, it's a HUGE baby step in the right direction. The first of many dominoes.
Now review everything you've written. Don't dismiss anything for now. At this point, everything's a possibility. Explore each item you've written and go for it. Let your imagination run wild. Instead of "No, no, that won't happen" or "No way I can change that," humor yourself and imagine, what if you could? Feel all the emotions and allow yourself to daydream about that possibility.
Do this for the next item, and the next. When you reach the last item, you may or may not have come up with a plan of action or two that can help your situation but I guarantee you: you're closer to finding a solution that can alleviate your circumstances. And just realizing that fact can almost instantly ease your tense muscles, clear some space in your head and probably even some time in your schedule to spend some time with your loved ones.
To living out of your self made box...
Written by Lillian Too's Mandala Member, Marge
P.S. If you'd like a sneak peek at what the coming year has to offer and see how it aligns with your new plans for the future, check out the 2023 Virtual Extravaganza at https://www.wofs.com/lillian-toos-feng-shui-extravaganza-2023/
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